Stickin it to The Man... THIS Man!

They say that time is money, and if its true, I must be living on Confederate Time. I wasted an hour of my life today just to spite Kmart!

That's right, to try and get back at a store, I wasted a full fucking hour of the time I've been given on this Earth.

As usual with me, there is a long and convoluted back-story about who tried to fuck me and how I wanted to fuck them back... this one goes like this:

A few months ago, I got a present that I didn't want, and planed to exchange it for something I did. The present was a brand new box set of a TV show that I don't watch, but since it was from the prize closet at my radio station, naturally I didn't have the receipt. Regardless, I thought I'd go to my local Kmart and exchange it for a different show.

Please note, it's not that Kmart, (which, hence forth, will be referred to as Kfuck,) was my first choice to return it to. I would have much rather taken it to a store with one of those liberal, customer-friendly return policies, but where I live on the east coast of early 1950's America, we don't have anything like that a Best Buy or Circuit City. Kfuck is the only thing in town that sells anything that operates on batteries!

Besides, Kfuck is so close to my house that if I piss standing up, I splash the side of their building, so I decided to go there.

Even though they have the show I want to return and the one I want to get, something goes wrong between the cashier saying "we can exchange it..." and "I just need to get a manager..."

I understand that I didn't get the thing from Kfuck, so they aren't obligated to take it back… but, does that mean that they can't be polite?

See, Kfuck knows that they are the only game in town. You have to drive 2 towns over to get to Wal-Mart, and most people won't. So the people at Kfuck feel free to be dicks… let me print that a little bigger: the people at Kfuck feel free to act like TOTAL DICKS!

The manager takes her sweet-ass time getting to the register and then goes, "well, where's your receipt?!"

"Oh, this was a gift, M'am. As I explained to her, I don't' have one."

"Well, I ain't gotta take nuthin back with outta receipt…" and by now she has nonchalantly turned her back toward me.

"Oh M'am, I wasn't asking for a refund, I just want to get this set of equally priced DVDs right here."

To which she barks, "Look! I ain't gotta to take back a major appliance with out a receipt!"

All I can think is that she has to be fuckin with me. A major appliance?

A major appliance is a washing machine, a refrigerator, maybe even Rosie's vibrator. This box of DVDs has no cord, no moving parts, and it it performs no essential function. Even if you're still gonna consider it an appliance, would it really be a fuckin MAJOR one?!

So, I thank her for her time and leave… and I mean for GOOD! Let Kfuck go to hell! Next to my house or not, I will not shop there.

That's your back-story.

I decide I need to print a picture from my digital camera, but I'm not sure I have the right disk. I decide to go to Kfuck and make sure I have the right disk before I drive the extra distance to the Wal-Mart.

I get to Kfuck, walk up to the machine and everything works like a charm. Sadly, I admit that my finger hovers over the print button... Who's gonna know? I'll make one print and then be gone! I can restore my principals tomorrow!

Then I think back to the time they made me drag out my Major Appliance. As my integrity comes crashing back, I remember that Kfuck is dead to me.

I drive all the way to the Wal-Mart, and as I'm walking up to their photo machine I see that a woman is using it. Though it's annoying to wait, I am still proud that I've stuck to my principals, and with great pride, I bend down to kill a few seconds by re-tying my shoes. Since I don't want to clog up the isle behind her, in decide to wait a few feet away, out of the walkway.

Minute 00: As I'm waiting, a woman walks past me, makes eye contact with me, and proceeds tentatively to stand behind the woman at the photo machine.

Minute 01: Since they are both fat girls, I assume that they are here together. Surely, this other woman isn't gonna look me in the face and then decide to walk past me in the line.

Minute 15: I start to wonder if this is worth the effort to screw Kfuck, but still have a small sense of pride that I am going that extra mile to stick to my principals.

Minute 19: The woman at the machine continues rotating and cropping pictures of a little girl who looked like she had to block out time each year for a run in the Special Olympics.

Minute 23: Ansel Adams is done, and I've accepted the fact that the Ignorant Woman has indeed cut me in the line, and is getting ready to print her pictures.

Minute 23 and a half: I've fantasized about committing 4 violent crimes against the Ignorant Woman.

Minute 24: The Ignorant Woman has lost one of her memory cards by throwing it in a drive that is much to big for it.

Minute 25: After the Ignorant Woman's repeated attempts to put her camera's memory card in the proper slot have failed, I decide to step in and help her out.

Minute 29: I feel my left eye twitch.

Minute 32: I lean on the counter next to the Ignorant Woman and let out an enormous sigh.

Minute 35: the Ignorant Woman misspells the word "North" by substituting a Zero for the letter "o" …for the 3rd time.

Minute 38: I feel my left eye twitch a few more times.

Minute 39: Another giant sigh, followed by me dropping my arms against my legs while looking over my should for someone to motion "can you believe this?" to.

Minute 40: In an effort to save myself some time, I decide to get an employee to start the extraction process for the missing memory card now, while the Ignorant Woman continues to put gaudy boarders on all of her poorly taken photos.

Minute 46: I can feel my left eye twitching uncontrollably

Minute 49: I have lost any pride I had in sticking to my principals.

Minute 54: I finally ask her, "are you gonna be much longer?" and she assures me that it will only be another 2 minutes.

Minute 56: The Ignorant Woman takes a break from dropping her shit in the machine, and I load in my disk..

Minute 58: I have printed my two pictures and have reacquired my disk, as I see the Ignorant Woman once again begin to use the machine like her personal toilet.

Minute 59: I pay for my pictures, and get a bill totaling twenty-seven cents plus tax.

Minute 60: I come to a startling realization: I wasted an hour of my life to make sure I screwed Kfuck out of thirty cents.

Let me say that again: I WASTED THE TIME IT TAKES TO PERFORM 4 ABORTIONS TO MAKE SURE THAT KFUCK DIDN'T GET MY THIRTY CENTS!

In that minute I realize that the only person who suffers from my mindset of petty retaliation is me. The time I waste trying to hurt people and corporations that don't even know I exists would be much better spent helping people around me and bettering myself…

I realize that if I let my constant hatred go, and the subsequent antics that myself and those around me have to suffer through as a result of said hatred, I'd have hours of free time each day!

Then I had another realization: If I rush home now, I can spend the few minutes I have left before I gotta get to work writing a scathing blog that really lays into Kfuck! I can trash them for all the world to see over 3 full pages!!

Up yours, Kfuck!