Kids Do the Safest Things

Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time wondering just what kinda world are we leaving for our kids. I know you're thinking, "Ray, you are so important and generous! Or, you have recently been diagnosed with a terminal disease."

Either way...

I'm not talking about all the war, greed and other shit like that. An even worse legacy is these sterile, rounded-corner, styrofoam boxes we give them to grow up in under the guise of keeping them safe.

I was talking to a 7th grader about what he did over the summer and he told me, "he slaved."

"Slaved?! That sounds terrible,” I say. “What'd you have to do?"

With agony, he explains that he had to spend the summer cutting grass. He was out there 3 and 4 hours at a time!

I try to commiserate, telling him how much I hated pushing that fuckin mower around all day, too. It was the worst! He stops me to point out that he didn't have to push the mower. His family has a riding mower.

Well, they must have really been working this kid’s ass if he said that he spent his summer slaving. I continue, "How many times a day were you out there mowing?"

"Well, it wasn’t really every day. It was more like once a week."

"You sat on a mower for three hours a week… and, just out of curiosity, did you get an allowance this summer?"

"Well, yeah…"

“You basically got paid to drive a go-cart around the yard for three hours a week and you’re telling me that you spent the summer SLAVING!?!!?”

Can you imagine what it's gonna be like for HIS kids?!

"Oh god… I didn't know how I was gonna make it through this summer! I had to make the robot mow the lawn 3 times! I even had to PUSH THE BUTTON twice!!!"

What kinda life are we leaving for these kids?!!?

A few minutes later, I hear that familiar cry of, "Mom," come from the direction of the home office. It's a tone of voice that asks 'hey, are you around, I have a problem that I'm going to shout out to you…'

She calls back "yes" in a way that lets you know she's prepared to trouble shoot, and I hear the first voice say "do you know where my codes are?! I can’t find my word document!"

Did I really just hear that?

Sure, I remember being a kid and asking where things were - but I was looking for ACTUAL THINGS! I was too lazy to walk around the neighborhood to find where the Frisbee! Not to lazy to look around on a VIRTUAL DESKTOP! NOT TO LAZY TO JUST CLICK A FUCKING MOUSE!

We're trying to make a better life for our kids by making life safer and easier, but we're doing them a disservice. We're keeping them TOO safe. Look at the great people: everyone from Abe Lincoln to Martin Luther King, Jr. to the Boy Named Sue! They all struggled and over came obstacles. They all lived lives that, at times, were hard. They all could probably fuck any other historical figure they wanted to!

As a guy who came from a safe-but-dull, white, middle class background - it's a fucking prison! My idea of fine dining is ordering an appetizer AND a meal from T.G.I. Fridays!! The amount of character forging experiences I’ve had is a number just below the amount of sexy homeless people.

And, I for one, promise to break the cycle! I refuse to be a party to this vicious backslide into comfort! If I ever have a kid of my own, I'm gonna drop them off in South East DC, and drive off screaming, "good luck!" knowing in my heart that they'll thank me.*

* = if they live through it...