Down With a Sickness

I'm sick.

I hate it.

Is there anything worse than being sick?

I don't know why, but it always seems like a cold causes guys to fall apart harder than girls do. I'm not even dying, but for some reason every man from Adam to yours truly just feels like the common cold is a perfectly valid reason to just sit down and give up on life.

You can't help it. Being sick makes you think crazy things... which I kinda don't mind because at least for those precious few days a year I have a valid reason to wonder why I don't simply throw myself off a very tall building so I don't accidentally fall off one.

Another problem i have with being sick is that it interferes with my almost compulsive need for consistency. The fact that one second you feel like you've been hit and then backed over and then hit again by a steamroller when the next second you feel like you can probably bench press more weight right now that any man woman or child on earth really gets to me.

And for some reason, when I get sick, my extra large forehead feels like it has some sort of muscles in it. I don't mean the kinda muscles that are required to create my nearly limitless combination of disapproving and irritated scowls, but something else. Like a muscle that just wants to reach out of the right side of my forehead and shove something.

I know I still have muscles because i can feel them atrophying... well, if you can call them muscles. They feel more like globs of pudding. Its not that my muscles feel like they aren't there, there is defiantly some kind of mass where my biceps and triceps should be, but it is also definite that the mass is 100% without use.

I might as well wrap skin around cotton candy.

Being sick also sux because you spend so much time feeling light headed... but it's not only your head. Its like being light-bodied which is similar to being in a prison of lethargy.

As you can see, it's very hard to be funny when you're sick.

I think I'm gonna go and either float away or implode - but what I'm NOT gonna do is reread this. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that the only thing more annoying than being sick is being well and having to listen to someone else bitch about not feeling well...

But in the off chance that I do accidentally go back and read this, I'll say this to myself:

Fuck you, Ray.